Dear
Howard,
It
seems natural to speak to you now after having been silent for
so many years. In recent years I have spoken to you in anger,
in despair, and in doubt. Now I speak to you in love.
Thirty
years ago when I marched down the aisle in a white dress on my
father's arm, I felt pretty and innocent. When you died, I lost
that innocence. In grieving, I've regained it. The breath that
was knocked out of me when you died has returned.
It
isn't easy to give up what has defined my life for so many years:
Michelle, the grief, and you. I can no longer blame you or her
for what life hasn't given me.
Though
my association with you was brief (only a few short years), it
has been the cornerstone of my life. We don't belong to each
other anymore in the way we used to. The ties that bound me to
you -- my anger and resentment -- are gone. The other tie, Michelle,
is grown and married with her own family.
What
binds me to you now is the memory of the love we had for each
other. It transcends time and space. It cannot be severed by
death. The twinkle in your eye, that I often saw, was ignited
by the love in your heart. I cherish that love, always will,
and I'll remember that when I think of you.
I
say "goodbye" now, as I walk away from a life defined
by your death to meet the life that awaits me around the next
corner. Wish me luck, Howard.
Thanks
for all you have taught me and given me.
I
love you.
Pauline
Grief Denied: A Vietnam Widow's Story, is available in soft cover for $14.95
, plus $3.00 shipping/handling (+$1.00 S/H for each additional book). Shipping is by Media Mail. (California residents add $0.82 sales tax per book.)
Please contact Pauline Laurent by e-mail at
(Please type the spam-protected address into your email program)
|