FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Further Information Contact
Pauline Laurent
Catalyst For Change
(707) 578-4226

SANTA ROSA, CA - Pauline Laurent's path dramatically illustrates the Vietnam era. Born and raised in the Midwest, she met her husband Howard Querry when she was 19. On May 10, 1968, after they were married less than a year, Howard was killed in action in the jungles of Vietnam. Laurent was 22 years old and seven months pregnant when her husband's body was escorted back to the states with the instructions, "Nonviewable."

Pauline Laurent took 30 years to reconcile the death of her husband in the Vietnam War. Grief Denied - A Vietnam Widow's Story is Laurent's moving and inspiring tale of how her healing finally occurred, and how she reclaimed her life when she faced and walked through her grief. The book was released by Catalyst For Change, Santa Rosa, CA on Veterans Day, November 11, 1999.

There are an estimated 18,000 Vietnam widows. An estimated 20,000 children were left fatherless by the war. All Americans were touched by that war, whether they fought in the jungles of Vietnam, resisted in the streets of American cities or simply watched the war on television.

"Pauline Laurent's book presents an insider's view of the private world of the many people personally devastated by the Vietnam War. She makes poignantly clear the price we pay when we hide, deny or delay grief. Yet, following her process and her discoveries about life, loss, and healing inspires us and allows each of us the possibility of healing, too." -- Judy Tatelbaum, MSW, author of The Courage to Grieve.

Grief Denied is about raising a daughter without a father, and about living with the shame of having lost the girl's father in a very unpopular war. It is about the denial, anger, addictions and rage that were the aftermath of Laurent's loss. It's also about the climate in our country, which discourages grieving for anyone who has lost a loved one, especially in the Vietnam War.

Laurent's denial and avoidance led her to escape her pain for many years through overworking, addictive relationships and eventually food. Her geographic escapes took her from the Midwest to Colorado and eventually to California, where for 13 years she sought refuge in Werner Erhard's work. With no resolution still, she continued searching, without relief. She eventually lost her ability to manage her addiction to food and soared to a weight of almost 200 pounds.

When Laurent's daughter, at age 24, announced her wedding plans, Laurent could no longer deny her grief. She began long-term therapy, Twelve-Step recovery work and a spiritual search - all of which eventually led her to writing Grief Denied.

This book is for everyone who has ever lost someone they love. The cost is $10.95 plus $3.00 postage and handling (+$1.00 S/H for each additional book). Shipping is by Media Mail. (California residents add $0.82 sales tax per book.) Send a check for the total amount to: Catalyst For Change, P.O. Box 5158, Santa Rosa CA 95402.

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Grief Denied - A Vietnam Widow's Story
by Pauline Laurent
Paperback, 5.5 x 8.5
232 pages, $10.95
ISBN: 0-9671424-0-7

For IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Further Information Contact
Pauline Laurent
Catalyst For Change
(707) 578-4226

War Widow Confronts Legacy of Loss and Reconciliation

For three decades Pauline Laurent avoided Prairie du Rocher and the painful memories associated with her hometown of 600 people, 50 miles southeast of St. Louis.

The small French community where she was living with her parents at the time of her husband's death in the Vietnam War recently invited her to attend a dedication ceremony honoring the men from the community who had made the ultimate sacrifice.

Pauline had mixed feelings about returning to the "scene of the crime" as she calls it. She had ventured back to Illinois to visit family over the years but this trip would be different. The war memorial to be dedicated was just down the street from the house on Henry Street where she was living when the green sedan bearing the words, "US Army" pulled up in front of her home and two men in uniform approached her with the message:

"We regret to inform you that your husband, Sgt. Howard E. Querry, was fatally wounded on the afternoon of May 10 by a penetrating missile wound to his right shoulder."

At the time, she submitted to the prevailing notion that tragedy was best quickly forgotten, especially any connected with the Vietnam War. Instead of working through the stages of grief, Laurent fled with her daughter, moving steadily further away from the Midwest. The running continued until 1990 when the breakup of a relationship and the end of a career triggered "one loss too many" which catapulted her into a major depressive episode. For 18 months, she vacillated between writing suicide notes and realizing that she couldn't destroy her daughter's life by taking her own. Laurent eventually sought counseling and began writing her story. Grief Denied A Vietnam Widow's Story, Laurent's memoir, was 7 years in the making.

With the writing of her memoir, Laurent thought she had completed her grieving process and that the trip back to Illinois for the dedication would be anti-climatic. She found out otherwise.

On Saturday afternoon as Laurent read from her book at a bookstore in St. Louis, she noticed a Catholic priest in the audience who had buried his head in his hands and was sobbing. After the reading he informed her that he had taught her husband at St. Louis University in 1966.

"I lost two students in that war, " he told Laurent, "your husband and another young man who went to Canada. Years later when he was granted amnesty, he returned to the states, but he's never been the same. He cracked up."

The dedication ceremony began with a parade that wound its way down Main Street past St. Joseph's Church were she and Howard were married on September 30, 1967. Eight months later on May 25, 1968 she followed his coffin draped with the US flag down the aisle. Thirty-two years later, she marched past St. Joseph's again on her way to the cemetery for a tribute to honor her husband's sacrifice.

At the cemetery, a Gold Star mother laid a wreath on her son's grave. The community of Prairie du Rocher welcomed home a war widow who had lived in silence and isolation for 25 years. In her speech at the dedication ceremony, Laurent spoke of the difficulty she experienced in coming to terms with the loss of her husband. "It's hard to heal from the loss of a loved one when you can't view their body." Her husband's body had been returned marked "Non-viewable."

Laurent concluded with these comments, "Last year on July 4th, I hung an American flag in front of my house for the first time in 30 years- I knew some sort of reconciliation had occurred. For many years, I was angry with my husband, my country and my God for my husband's death in the war. We can't change the past, but we can make peace with it."

Pauline Laurent, author of Grief Denied - A Vietnam Widow's Story, is available for interviews and speaking engagements. For more information contact her at 707-578-4226.

Grief Denied - A Vietnam Widow's Story By Pauline Laurent Paperback, 5.5 x 8.5 232 pages, $10.95 ISBN: 0-9671424-0-7

Catalyst For Change P.O. Box 5158 Santa Rosa, CA 95402 (707) 578-4226

BOOK COVER IMAGE:

For a high-resolution image of the cover of Grief Denied, please click here. (0.6MB

AUTHOR PHOTO:

For a color photo of Pauline Laurent, please click here.

Grief Denied: A Vietnam Widow's Story, is available in soft cover for $10.95, plus $3.00 shipping/handling (+$1.00 S/H for each additional book). Shipping is by Media Mail. (California residents add $0.82 sales tax per book.)